Isn't it obviously crap?All talk as if you really cared,isn't it just for yourself?Just deal with the fact that we never really went along. Just deal with the fact that I was seen as a sinister person in his eyes.But well, I don't really care,we never went along since the start.
      It looked like I had all your shields, but the back of the shields ain't like a comfy turtle shell to hide in. He's never felt those sharp thorns.Those that just drain you. He receive those knifes from the surface but it ended fast. He never felt the way I did, neither did I ever felt the way he did. I never knew which one hurts more but one thing I know for sure that we were all hurt.I'd apologise to him if ever got hurt for the weirdest reasons that would just struck them. But know that I felt the pain too in a different pain. Well it is purely a pain being in this house. I am sure that he know that well enough. But deal with it that he and me are just both too weak to step out on our own.
       I rewatched fruits basket anime today. What one of the characters said really struck me. "Isn't it amazing that she is living in that tent alone even though her circumstances.I could have left home since I hated it so much. But I was too scared." Me too, I was too scared. I built up my rage, hate, but I didn't leave this home.I was too scared, too scared of what to live on, how to live on.In the end, I'd endure the rage,the hate, the unspoken words, the pain, the distress all in me, just to live. I guess I really just wanted to live, and living pleasantly,quietly and alone is just a wish, to motivate me from living,to make me look forward to live on, to see the days I'd like to see. But really can I live to see that one day? How long more do I have to endure? I really don't know. In the anime, the main characters were always lonely,seeked companion,seeked out the comfort. But its totally the other way round in the real life. I push everyone away, and felt more peaceful than ever. When people gather around me, I felt lonely. When someone is there I felt that their presence is much of an annoyance. Probably because I lived my life without having someone to tell those unspoken words.But here I am spilling my unspoken words. These typed words, I'd just take it as I'd spilled them to the whole world . Even though I am pretty sure he doesn't read this but I'd tell him we would have been better siblings if we just disregard each other's presence from the start.We may have a more peaceful relationship ,and just help each other in a blue moon. Life may have been much more easier to live on I am sure. Though it seems like an irony we were fully blood related yet hated each other since so many years. Not sure if we'd ever come around one day seeing how we hold knives over each other's neck, but I am sure you have wished for this as well at least once. I wish I was born the only child. Sorry to those who wished for a sibling but to me its a hell pain in neck.

♪"There is nothing you should give up on, just because you lost your way" ~ Bang Yongguk♪